Category Archives: Jesus

A New World Stepped Into

 

My room is the pale pink, round moon in the south corner where I read,

And the light that I read from are the fireflies that fly there

And that cast a rose-coloured glow against my burned skin

And the straw blanket bleached by the sun that covers my bare shoulders.

 

I dip my feet in the night waters filled with light,

And the suns and stars float like daisies and sunflowers in the universes

As I watch them, laying upside-down, go with the tide,

And the light that falls on me makes what was weak, strong and beautiful now.

 

There is a hint of surprise and deep royalty and a scarlet of fall that I see

And flowers that I thought fell from the sky and grew in the morning,

And winding, delicate ivy buds in my air that blend with the moonlight

And sunlight that I drown in.

 

Give me the stars and suns and moons to separate the darkness in me

And let me step into the sky warm with the sunrise and sunset

And lay on the trees that stretch their arms, soaked with the sun’s setting colors,

And I will learn how to love myself and let my broken heart heal.

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The Stars Become Flowers

 

The stars in my hands are pale, and delicate, but strong flowers
slowly blooming right there, right now as if time
was no burden to them at all, or time could not stop them;
and they are shining so bright
as if laughter had kissed them on their lips
and now they cannot stop smiling
as the sunlight shines on their day,
drenching in the sunlight,
becoming little suns,
as they sing a song in the night in the universe that they live in
to let someone know,
and red giants sitting on horizontal branches wave at them,
that they can lean on someone’s shoulder
to rest and sigh slowly,
to breathe in and to breathe out rest and quietness,
like the way that a river does
that becomes into an ocean
with its waves;
knowing that they need to be still
and rest into something far bigger than themselves.

4/9/16

 

Love borne silently in the heart is hard to bear,

I miss you and think of you,

everyday it seems.

My heart is bare, you can see myself in my eyes.

I know now what the whispers of being sick

and weak with love now mean

because that is how I am now,

but not many see that –

I may be the only who can see that,

despite my eyes may be closed.

 

But love is a burden I am willing to carry –

my hands to be bound with love,

to love others, not just you, I am willing.

Ropes of kindness and love, I’ll be lead by.

I will plow the hard ground of my heart,

the stubborn stone that can be in my heart,

to plant seeds of righteousness

to harvest the crop of love,

along with the flowers that grow;

patience, and kindness, and joy in the truth,

perseverance, faith, and hope – in time, –

having fully again, a tender heart that responds

and a new spirit in me.

 

A/N: Hosea 10:12 (NLT), Hosea 11:4 (NLT), Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT), and 1 Corinthians 12:4-8 (NLT and KJV). These were verses in the Bible that I read over and over again, helping me write this poem. This is just something that has been on my heart for a long time.

 

 

 

 

4/6/16

Here’s a happy birthday to the girl who has made it this far and who has even further to make than this.

Happy birthday, love.

 

 

A/N: I felt the need to say this and happy birthday to myself, haha. I made it this far only because of God, and I have further to make because of God. I look forward to the further that God will take me to. He is God, my faithful God. 🙂

{August 12, 2015 on a Evening}

{August 12, 2015}

Jesus stood right in front of me, and I put my hand into his hand; and then he led me to different places.

I saw blurred trees and pine trees and dark green grass and a garden with greens and colors as he led me and I followed; and then he led me to a cliff that was triangular and that had rocks on it that I stood on as we stopped, and I stood on the edge of the cliff and looked out.

And what I looked out to was a sea and grass moving together. A sea that was grey but with a little bit of blue in it and the grass a soft, dark green grass that moved as one; and I stood on top of rocks as I stood on the cliff with the rocks surrounding me as the wind blew while the sea and grass moved.

The skies in the distance dark grey and light grey, yet here was light around me. Around us.

And as soon as I was led there and I stood there, he started talking to me.

“What is life, my little one? Life is me. I am Life.

With the suffering but victory. With the sadness but joy. With the seeming chaos but clarity. With the weariness but rest. With the weakness but strength.

I am Life, my little one. I am The Way, The Truth, and The Life.

I am your life.”

And he showed me another vision that I had had the other day as he talked to me and gave me the answer that I needed, reminding me of that other vision.

The vision was me being led by a hooded person to a dim room with little light; and the room had a chair in the middle of the room.

I was being given a test, and I knew that I was as I sat on the chair; and when I sat on the chair, the person who was hooded gave me a knife and said, “You know what you have to do with the knife.”

And the person left, and I was alone; and as I was alone I thought to myself, “I can kill myself. I have a choice now. I’m free to kill myself now. There’s no one here to stop me.”

Yet as I said that to myself, something wasn’t right. Deep down inside me, I knew that something wasn’t right. There was something wrong; and though I had the urge to kill myself since I could in that vision, I didn’t.

I asked God as I was in pain, “What is life, God? Tell me what is life, please; because I don’t know what life is, and I’m stuck. I want life, but I don’t know what life is. Tell me what life is, please.”

And then I was back, still on the cliff; and I knew what Jesus said to me was true. That He is Life. That He is my Life.

I opened my arms as the wind blew towards me, blowing on my face as I closed my eyes and as Jesus was there with me; everywhere with me.

Just there with me, and that was what I needed: for him to be there with me.

I opened my arms, and he hugged me. Jesus hugged me and told me what I needed to hear that day on Wednesday evening.

“No more fantasies about death. No more dreams about death.”

And he kept on hugging me as we both stood on the edge of the cliff.

And ever since that evening that I had that beautiful, beautiful adventure with him, my Jesus – I have not had a fantasy or dream about death because I can’t.

I can’t because he said no more fantasies and no more dreams about death.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. 

2 Corinthians 4:17

Care

{June 24, 2015}

It’s hard to know how to take of yourself, when one hardly sees anyone or one, truly taking of themselves.

It’s one thing to say that you’ll take care of yourself, but another to do so. It’s easier to say that you’ll take care of yourself than to actually, truly taking care of yourself.

That I can connect to.

More than once, I promised other people that I would take of myself, but then I would do the opposite: hate myself, push myself more than needed, be hard on myself, not take care of myself physically like I was suppose to.

All that and more.

“You cannot possibly imagine exactly how much I hate myself.”  

When I found this on the Website, I could connect to this a lot.

I hated myself so much back then because I thought everything was my fault and I made so many mistakes; and I didn’t like that I made mistakes. I though I was a burden, a problem.

A monster. A puzzle. A question. A mistake, and so many more lies.

I hated myself. I didn’t like myself, let alone love myself.

How could I love or like the girl I was, when I was a monster? When I was a depressed, teen-aged girl who had problems and baggage?

A problem, a puzzle, a question, a mistake, a burden?

How could I love myself and forgive myself?

I thought I would never be able to love myself and forgive myself. I thought it was not possible, and that it would never happen and that it could never happen.

But then something changed. Something started changing, and has always been changing ever since I said yes to God.

I started asking myself, “How could I keep on loving God and hate myself?”  Or God started asking me this question: “How can you love Me and hate yourself?”

To love God and hate yourself isn’t possible; it’s not because He’s Love.

Somewhere along the way, I changed and yet at the same time did not change.

I changed to myself, changed to who I was always meant to be. I changed into becoming myself, all because of God.

And because of God, I started loving myself for His sake; because He considered and considers my heart a treasure of the Kingdom, I do too. I start to consider my heart as a treasure of His Kingdom because He does.

I start loving myself because He loves me. I start taking care of myself because I know He deeply loves me.

I have started loving myself for His sake.