Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Stars Become Flowers

 

The stars in my hands are pale, and delicate, but strong flowers
slowly blooming right there, right now as if time
was no burden to them at all, or time could not stop them;
and they are shining so bright
as if laughter had kissed them on their lips
and now they cannot stop smiling
as the sunlight shines on their day,
drenching in the sunlight,
becoming little suns,
as they sing a song in the night in the universe that they live in
to let someone know,
and red giants sitting on horizontal branches wave at them,
that they can lean on someone’s shoulder
to rest and sigh slowly,
to breathe in and to breathe out rest and quietness,
like the way that a river does
that becomes into an ocean
with its waves;
knowing that they need to be still
and rest into something far bigger than themselves.

4/9/16

 

Love borne silently in the heart is hard to bear,

I miss you and think of you,

everyday it seems.

My heart is bare, you can see myself in my eyes.

I know now what the whispers of being sick

and weak with love now mean

because that is how I am now,

but not many see that –

I may be the only who can see that,

despite my eyes may be closed.

 

But love is a burden I am willing to carry –

my hands to be bound with love,

to love others, not just you, I am willing.

Ropes of kindness and love, I’ll be lead by.

I will plow the hard ground of my heart,

the stubborn stone that can be in my heart,

to plant seeds of righteousness

to harvest the crop of love,

along with the flowers that grow;

patience, and kindness, and joy in the truth,

perseverance, faith, and hope – in time, –

having fully again, a tender heart that responds

and a new spirit in me.

 

A/N: Hosea 10:12 (NLT), Hosea 11:4 (NLT), Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT), and 1 Corinthians 12:4-8 (NLT and KJV). These were verses in the Bible that I read over and over again, helping me write this poem. This is just something that has been on my heart for a long time.

 

 

 

 

4/6/16

Here’s a happy birthday to the girl who has made it this far and who has even further to make than this.

Happy birthday, love.

 

 

A/N: I felt the need to say this and happy birthday to myself, haha. I made it this far only because of God, and I have further to make because of God. I look forward to the further that God will take me to. He is God, my faithful God. 🙂

Just something from today:

 

3 am,
And I’m awake.
I fell asleep for one hour –
For the day,
I am one hour
Of no rest.
The day goes on,
And I am able to stay awake.
I am able to make it through.
I am able laugh
And smile,
Be with other people.
But I miss you.
Then comes night,
And I am able to cry.
And I fall asleep.
Somewhere between asleep
And awake.
I see your messages.
I don’t reply.
I can’t reply.
Because I’m asking myself
How do I live.
And I am crying,
Falling asleep.
Putting my hand
On my mouth,
A pillow covering my face,
Gasping for air
And for comfort,
Looking for answers.
But I try not let anyone
Hear me cry,
Hear me gasp.
Hear me ask for help.
And I think it worked.
I wake up,
And it’s another day.
4 pm,
In the afternoon –
I thought my alarm clock
Was right that it was 3 –
Because I thought to myself
It couldn’t be that late.
But the clock was wrong.
Time had changed
Because it was spring now,
Winter gone –
But discontent still here,
With me.
I told myself that I can’t live
Like this anymore;
That I can’t live like this.
That I don’t want to feel small;
That I don’t want to feel
Like I’m trapped;
That I don’t want to feel like
I don’t belong;
That I don’t want to feel
Like I’m invisible.
That I don’t want to be afraid.
I don’t want to feel misunderstood.
The things I want to say.
The things that I want to let you see
And hear.
Wanting to be free.
Wanting to be unburdened.
Wanting to feel like I belong.
Wanting to be open.
And wanting to be just seen.
And throughout the day,
I think that you should leave me.
That you shouldn’t have
To deal with someone
Like me.
And I think of how stupid I am
For not replying back to you,
For how I’m being –
A dramatic soul,
Seeming to
Always have to dramatize.
And I’m sorry.
I am.
And here I am.
The song
“Try Everything”
Comes to mind
From the movie that we
Watched together.
So here I am,
Trying to try everything
The best that I can
And taking the first step
Of getting up again.

Meditation

 

Snow falls in great white blossoms to the sea,
budding slowly as they fall and disappear,
but they turn into stars –

shining in the daytime, as well in the night,
drenched in sunlight, becoming sunlight
in a strange green darkness of sea;

and I lay on an ocean of stars,
on beds of breathing waves,
looking up to something more and beautiful

and seeing paths of gold in the sky,
leading to home, leading to heaven
as the sun sets and dies.

A flower is stirred and a star is troubled,
and useless rage is tempered by patience,
by a great ring of pure and endless light

that blinds the darkness in my heart
and kills inside of me
what needs to be dead, what needs to die.

Eyes are closed and fingers brush the sky,
and a broken heart heals –
hope like an open, eternal flower.

 

A/N: The name of the poem maybe a bit terrible. I am sorry if it is. If you have suggestions for the name, please feel free to share if you wish to share. I hope you enjoy it.

-Nichi

Second Poem of the Day (1/22/16)

A storm of color

suddenly bursts inside,

and I welcome the cold tears

that cut my face

as what falls is wrapped in hope –

and the door clings to the hinges

that the wind broke open

with its force,

barely holding on

like a paper girl hangs onto her string.

 

The baggage needs to leave,

am I the baggage?

All I am trying to do, as best as I can,

is to trust in you, God,

and go along with the flow

because it seems like the pattern

has gone back to normal

even though the storm came

and had soaked all the papers.

 

I remember sleeping in the car,

not knowing how much time has passed.

The cold was still itself,

but I couldn’t go back inside,

just yet.

All I could do was clutch the Bible that I had

and hold onto to you,

and that was all that mattered:

 

You, my God –

the Perfect Protector.