Tag Archives: adventure

4/6/16

Here’s a happy birthday to the girl who has made it this far and who has even further to make than this.

Happy birthday, love.

 

 

A/N: I felt the need to say this and happy birthday to myself, haha. I made it this far only because of God, and I have further to make because of God. I look forward to the further that God will take me to. He is God, my faithful God. 🙂

{August 12, 2015 on a Evening}

{August 12, 2015}

Jesus stood right in front of me, and I put my hand into his hand; and then he led me to different places.

I saw blurred trees and pine trees and dark green grass and a garden with greens and colors as he led me and I followed; and then he led me to a cliff that was triangular and that had rocks on it that I stood on as we stopped, and I stood on the edge of the cliff and looked out.

And what I looked out to was a sea and grass moving together. A sea that was grey but with a little bit of blue in it and the grass a soft, dark green grass that moved as one; and I stood on top of rocks as I stood on the cliff with the rocks surrounding me as the wind blew while the sea and grass moved.

The skies in the distance dark grey and light grey, yet here was light around me. Around us.

And as soon as I was led there and I stood there, he started talking to me.

“What is life, my little one? Life is me. I am Life.

With the suffering but victory. With the sadness but joy. With the seeming chaos but clarity. With the weariness but rest. With the weakness but strength.

I am Life, my little one. I am The Way, The Truth, and The Life.

I am your life.”

And he showed me another vision that I had had the other day as he talked to me and gave me the answer that I needed, reminding me of that other vision.

The vision was me being led by a hooded person to a dim room with little light; and the room had a chair in the middle of the room.

I was being given a test, and I knew that I was as I sat on the chair; and when I sat on the chair, the person who was hooded gave me a knife and said, “You know what you have to do with the knife.”

And the person left, and I was alone; and as I was alone I thought to myself, “I can kill myself. I have a choice now. I’m free to kill myself now. There’s no one here to stop me.”

Yet as I said that to myself, something wasn’t right. Deep down inside me, I knew that something wasn’t right. There was something wrong; and though I had the urge to kill myself since I could in that vision, I didn’t.

I asked God as I was in pain, “What is life, God? Tell me what is life, please; because I don’t know what life is, and I’m stuck. I want life, but I don’t know what life is. Tell me what life is, please.”

And then I was back, still on the cliff; and I knew what Jesus said to me was true. That He is Life. That He is my Life.

I opened my arms as the wind blew towards me, blowing on my face as I closed my eyes and as Jesus was there with me; everywhere with me.

Just there with me, and that was what I needed: for him to be there with me.

I opened my arms, and he hugged me. Jesus hugged me and told me what I needed to hear that day on Wednesday evening.

“No more fantasies about death. No more dreams about death.”

And he kept on hugging me as we both stood on the edge of the cliff.

And ever since that evening that I had that beautiful, beautiful adventure with him, my Jesus – I have not had a fantasy or dream about death because I can’t.

I can’t because he said no more fantasies and no more dreams about death.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. 

2 Corinthians 4:17

{Hope Willn’t Die}

{August 13 and 14, 2015}

Yellow stars
fall to the ground,
but they crumble
and the stars
turn brown
and they shrivel;

dying
without their skies,
dying because
they’re on the ground.

Yet stars
stare at me
when I look up;
and when I
look down,
the stars
still shine.

Hope has not died,
even if
my heart is broken
and hurting.

The stars
I love too dearly?
They will die,
but hope
will not die –
not this strong
and trustworthy hope.

Just like the stars,
hope will always shine
in the dark
or light.

My hope will not die,
and lies before me;
though I sometimes
may not
and do not
see it before me –

it lies before me;
strong and trustworthy,
and there.
This hope will not die.

I have
a future and a hope.

~~~

My hope will not die because God is whom I put my hope in, and he is my hope.

Care

{June 24, 2015}

It’s hard to know how to take of yourself, when one hardly sees anyone or one, truly taking of themselves.

It’s one thing to say that you’ll take care of yourself, but another to do so. It’s easier to say that you’ll take care of yourself than to actually, truly taking care of yourself.

That I can connect to.

More than once, I promised other people that I would take of myself, but then I would do the opposite: hate myself, push myself more than needed, be hard on myself, not take care of myself physically like I was suppose to.

All that and more.

“You cannot possibly imagine exactly how much I hate myself.”  

When I found this on the Website, I could connect to this a lot.

I hated myself so much back then because I thought everything was my fault and I made so many mistakes; and I didn’t like that I made mistakes. I though I was a burden, a problem.

A monster. A puzzle. A question. A mistake, and so many more lies.

I hated myself. I didn’t like myself, let alone love myself.

How could I love or like the girl I was, when I was a monster? When I was a depressed, teen-aged girl who had problems and baggage?

A problem, a puzzle, a question, a mistake, a burden?

How could I love myself and forgive myself?

I thought I would never be able to love myself and forgive myself. I thought it was not possible, and that it would never happen and that it could never happen.

But then something changed. Something started changing, and has always been changing ever since I said yes to God.

I started asking myself, “How could I keep on loving God and hate myself?”  Or God started asking me this question: “How can you love Me and hate yourself?”

To love God and hate yourself isn’t possible; it’s not because He’s Love.

Somewhere along the way, I changed and yet at the same time did not change.

I changed to myself, changed to who I was always meant to be. I changed into becoming myself, all because of God.

And because of God, I started loving myself for His sake; because He considered and considers my heart a treasure of the Kingdom, I do too. I start to consider my heart as a treasure of His Kingdom because He does.

I start loving myself because He loves me. I start taking care of myself because I know He deeply loves me.

I have started loving myself for His sake.

I See You; June 17, 2015

A stranger to these parts,
I am;
Lord, give me directions,
Your commands
for I am utterly lost
without You.
. . .
A child with no discipline,
now here I am –
in Your presence,
a child of Yours
receiving
Your much needed discipline.
. . .
A daughter homesick
for a world
that she has never seen;
homesick for You;
but I know when I wake
one day,
I will see you, face to face,
and be satisfied.
. . .
A longing inside her
to fully
see what she has only but
glimpsed;
a longing to taste what
she has only
but tasted a little.
. . .
This yearning for home
that will be
fulfilled when You
call me
home, and I sit on Your lap;
I wait patiently for You,
Papa;
I’ll see You, and only You.
. . .
I see You,
and only You.

~~~

This was inspired by the God, by the Bible, and how I felt and feel deeply. Inspired by the book of Psalms – mostly on Psalm 119:19.
I hope and pray that you all have a wonderful day today, and happy belated Father’s Day to those who are fathers!

A Sort Of Explanation of My Adventure with Jesus? Haha.

I looked into His eyes, and I saw Beauty.

I saw my mother; I saw the one I love; I saw my cousin; I saw the moments, the memories I held to; I saw my brother; I saw my birth-mother; I saw peace; I saw joy; I saw patience; I saw love; I saw everything that was beautiful; I saw Him.

And He is beautiful. So, so beautiful.

I looked into His eyes, His Lion’s eyes – and His eyes were blue/green with grey in them.

Aurora lights were all around Him, light and a little shade darker pinks and purples with other different colors floated around Him; and it seemed like they were worshiping Him, adoring Him.

Worshiping Him like He was Everything, and when I looked into His eyes – I started to know more deeply how He is Everything.

Haha. He is Everything. Haha. He is.

Jesus is.

God is.

The Holy Spirit is.

HE is.

When I looked into His eyes, I started to know more deeply how He is Everything, and I’m still on that process. I’m still knowing more deeply how He is Everything. 

I remember His face. His Lion’s face, His mane shaved, but that did not matter to Him – He looked at me, He stared into my eyes, seeing me as I saw Him.

As I saw Him, He saw me.

I saw Him.

He saw me.

He always does.

. . .

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! 

Psalm 139:17-18