Tag Archives: child

Care

{June 24, 2015}

It’s hard to know how to take of yourself, when one hardly sees anyone or one, truly taking of themselves.

It’s one thing to say that you’ll take care of yourself, but another to do so. It’s easier to say that you’ll take care of yourself than to actually, truly taking care of yourself.

That I can connect to.

More than once, I promised other people that I would take of myself, but then I would do the opposite: hate myself, push myself more than needed, be hard on myself, not take care of myself physically like I was suppose to.

All that and more.

“You cannot possibly imagine exactly how much I hate myself.”  

When I found this on the Website, I could connect to this a lot.

I hated myself so much back then because I thought everything was my fault and I made so many mistakes; and I didn’t like that I made mistakes. I though I was a burden, a problem.

A monster. A puzzle. A question. A mistake, and so many more lies.

I hated myself. I didn’t like myself, let alone love myself.

How could I love or like the girl I was, when I was a monster? When I was a depressed, teen-aged girl who had problems and baggage?

A problem, a puzzle, a question, a mistake, a burden?

How could I love myself and forgive myself?

I thought I would never be able to love myself and forgive myself. I thought it was not possible, and that it would never happen and that it could never happen.

But then something changed. Something started changing, and has always been changing ever since I said yes to God.

I started asking myself, “How could I keep on loving God and hate myself?”  Or God started asking me this question: “How can you love Me and hate yourself?”

To love God and hate yourself isn’t possible; it’s not because He’s Love.

Somewhere along the way, I changed and yet at the same time did not change.

I changed to myself, changed to who I was always meant to be. I changed into becoming myself, all because of God.

And because of God, I started loving myself for His sake; because He considered and considers my heart a treasure of the Kingdom, I do too. I start to consider my heart as a treasure of His Kingdom because He does.

I start loving myself because He loves me. I start taking care of myself because I know He deeply loves me.

I have started loving myself for His sake.

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I See You; June 17, 2015

A stranger to these parts,
I am;
Lord, give me directions,
Your commands
for I am utterly lost
without You.
. . .
A child with no discipline,
now here I am –
in Your presence,
a child of Yours
receiving
Your much needed discipline.
. . .
A daughter homesick
for a world
that she has never seen;
homesick for You;
but I know when I wake
one day,
I will see you, face to face,
and be satisfied.
. . .
A longing inside her
to fully
see what she has only but
glimpsed;
a longing to taste what
she has only
but tasted a little.
. . .
This yearning for home
that will be
fulfilled when You
call me
home, and I sit on Your lap;
I wait patiently for You,
Papa;
I’ll see You, and only You.
. . .
I see You,
and only You.

~~~

This was inspired by the God, by the Bible, and how I felt and feel deeply. Inspired by the book of Psalms – mostly on Psalm 119:19.
I hope and pray that you all have a wonderful day today, and happy belated Father’s Day to those who are fathers!